Actions Speak Louder than Words

In the past few years I’ve witnessed multiple friends and family members go through painful breakups – close friendships suddenly severed, divorces, and disbanded business partnerships.  It’s never easy to see a good friend or relative go through something like this and even more difficult to find the correct words that make it apparent just how sorry I am, but at the same time provide strength and encouragement.

Nevertheless, I often can‘t resist such a challenge, because it’s impossible to watch someone who has often clearly demonstrated so many strong positive traits (limitless potential, positive energy, integrity…) now begin to doubt themself and their ability to succeed, and even worse… possibly get derailed from a course that will definitely lead them toward their goals.

Coach Responsibly

In order to ride that fine line when giving advice, whether you’re a life coach, career coach, or mentor, or just a good friend, it’s not only critical to balance communicating how much you feel their pain or frustration with how much you believe in them, but it’s also just as important to guide, support and educate them without overriding their own intuition and better judgment.  After all, they’re the ones who are going through this particular circumstance first-hand.  In most cases, the rest of us are only observing from the sidelines, at best.

The Truth Will Set You Free

When accepting this great responsibility, the most successful approach for me has been to coach the individual on focusing only on what is true and what is real.  This means asking them to take a good hard look at themselves, as well as the situation.  Nobody’s perfect and usually mistakes are made by all parties.  Often times, when someone is strong enough to be honest with himself, it’s much easier to be honest with others and possibly reach an agreement.  If the other party is mature enough to identify with this, it could lead that party to taking the same course of action.  Unfortunately, it isn’t always that easy and some parties are much less mature than others.  Even though these types tend to try to gain leverage through false allegations or manipulation of the truth, staying above board and maintaining honesty is still a stronger hand.

False accusations are intended to cloud everyone’s judgment, especially the person who’s the subject of the accusation.  It’s a sucker punch to throw subject off guard… BUT not falling for it, taking the high road, and staying on course allows the subject to reveal their true character; and what better time to do so than when so many eyes are watching.  Moreover, it’s only a matter of time before all of the holes are found in the accusations that hold no merit, and more often than not, those behind the falsities attempt to create more, or behave even more foolishly to discount their credit even further.

When considering everyone that I’ve coached or advised to take this approach, those who’ve done so fearlessly and with self-assuredness have steadily moved forward to stronger relationships and more rewarding careers, while those who didn’t are losing more relationships and digging deeper holes.